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Why I Have a Crush On You, UPS Man by Alice N. Persons

Why I Have a Crush On You, UPS Man

by Alice N. Persons

published in her book, Don't Be A Stranger


you bring me all the things I order

are never in a bad mood

always have a jaunty wave as you drive away

look good in your brown shorts

we have an ideal uncomplicated relationship

you’re like a cute boyfriend with great legs

who always brings the perfect person

(why, it’s just what I always wanted!)

and then is considerate enough to go away

oh, UPS Man, let’s hop in your clean brown truck and elope!

ditch your job, I’ll ditch mine

let’s hit the road for Brownsville

and tempt each other

with all the delicious brown foods—

roast beef, dark chocolate,

brownies, Guinness, homemade pumpernickel, molasses cookies

I’ll make you my mama’s bourbon pecan pie

we’ll give all the packages to kind-looking strangers

live in a cozy wood cabin

with a brown dog or two

and a black and brown tabby

I’m serious, UPS Man. Let’s do it.

Where do I sign?



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