Tuesday by Gwen Benaway

Tuesday

by Gwen Benaway

the hard point,

estrogen high tide-

when the patch

releases the most

of what makes

me a girl.

breasts ache,

swell with change

as my emotions

descend in currents

to a dark heart

at the lake bottom.

float on driftwood,

grip this life

like an anchor

as I drift further

from the shore

I call myself.

there is no hope

in the deep water,

no dream lifts

under me, just

bracken, plastic litter.

I survive because

I know how to swim,

I survive because

I know to surrender,

I survive because

my way out is under.

This poem was published in The Capilano Review, along with two others by Benaway. You can read all three here.

I am a CIS woman. But I have a very vivid memory of the pains I had in my tween years, pains my parents called "growing pains." And that is exactly what they were, mostly my chest with its dull ache. Estogren doing its thing. I bring this up because there are people who claim that trans women are not "real women." This is wrong for so many reasons. This poem provides another example of how ignorant that take (not real women) is: those estogen-induced pains and those menstrual-hormone moods are shared by all women.

Besides the title giving away nothing--just another Tuesday--I also love the water metaphors throughout this poem. They begin with the second line with a wonderful description: estrogen high-tide. These metaphors continue throughout the poem, almost as asides, until the last stanza goes all in with a remarkable and powerful ending.

I particularly like the contrast of the driftwood and anchor in stanza three. Driftwood, even the large and heavy kind, is still not as heavy as an anchor and, also unlike an anchor, driftwood floats.

The last stanza is so defiant and hopeful, as well as being self-confident and proud. Anyone could take this stanza as a shot of "yea, me!" each day. However, people who live life as their true selves, especially when society is not accomodating, are, to me, absolutely amazing. It is incredibly brave to show the world who you are and, if you were not born the way you truly are, to go through the various and often unpleasant steps (and, I imagine, time-consuming and costly) to become YOU. I admire anyone who makes such a life-changing and life-affirming decision and follows through. Yea, trans people!

Gwen Benaway is Canadian, of Anishinaabe and Métis descent. Her first book--Ceremonies for the Dead--was published in 2013. Her most recent book, day/break, was published in 2020. You can read more about her here and here. The second link includes an interview.