by Ogden Nash
More than a catbird hates a cat,
Or a criminal hates a clue,
Or the Axis hates the United States,
That's how much I love you.
I love you more than a duck can swim,
And more than a grapefruit squirts,
I love you more than a gin rummy is a bore,
And more than a toothache hurts.
As a shipwrecked sailor hates the sea,
Or a juggler hates a shove,
As a hostess detests unexpected guests,
That's how much you I love.
I love you more than a wasp can sting,
And more than the subway jerks,
I love you as much as a beggar needs a crutch,
And more than a hangnail irks.
I swear to you by the stars above,
And below, if such there be,
As the High Court loathes perjurious oathes,
That's how you're loved by me.
An early introduction in my life to poetry--a lot of it by Ogden Nash--definitely created my love of word play. He is known for making up words to fit his rhyme schemes and for his humorous and light verse.
"To My Valentine" deserves more credit than just an appreciation of fun and games. Nash takes certain mainstays of the love poem and skewers the typical lovey-dovey comparisons with negatives. The result is not just funny, but surprising and clever. (It is like Shakespeare's Sonnet 130 on steroids! And, yes, I did just compare Nash to Shakespeare.)
Some things I love in this poem: the word love appears 7 times . . . but so do its opposites (hate, detest, loathe), the last stanza's stars tricks the reader into complacency (ah--normal love poem stuff) and then upends that, the range of comparisons (the duck being the most neutral and the Axis being the most horrific).
This poem was originally published in The New Yorker on February 15, 1941. Since that magazine thought it okay to print a Valentine's poem after the fact, I feel okay posting it here.
I will post again on Wednesday, and I wish you no squirting grapefruits, unexpected guests, stings, shoves, and shipwrecks until then!
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