My Love Is Black by DéLana R. A. Dameron

My Love Is Black

by DéLana R. A. Dameron

You might say fear

is a predictable emotion

& I might agree. Whenever

my husband leaves

for his graveyard shift,

when he prepares to walk

out into the abyss of black

sky, I am afraid

tonight will be the night

I become a widow. I don’t

want to love like this. But

here we are: walking

hand in hand

in our parkas down

the avenues & he pulls away

from me. I might be

in some dreamy place,

thinking of the roast chicken

we just had, the coconut peas

& rice he just cooked,

& how the food has filled

our bellies with delight. How

many times can I speak

about black men

& an officer enters the scene?

I don’t want to love

like this. But there is a gun

in the holster & a hand

on the gun in the holster

& my husband’s hands

are no longer in his pockets

because it is night & we are

just trying to breathe in

some fresh evening air,

trying to be unpredictable, to

forget fear for a moment

& live in love & love.

The poet DéLana R. A. Dameron died on November 29 from complications she'd had with both her heart and kidneys. She was only 40 years old. Her book How God Ends Up (that title is amazing) was published in 2009 and won the South Carolina Poetry Book Prize. She also wrote Redwood Court, a series of linked stories, which was published in 2024. A children's book about her horse is set to be published in 2026.

I am afraid

tonight will be the night

I become a widow.

Every time the speaker's husband leaves for work, her thinking immediately goes to the possibility of violence. This is, of course, not the mind of a neurotic woman, but the very real fears of a woman married to a Black man in America.

I don't

want to love like this.

This sentiment is so filled with pathos, this side effect of racism. The poem stays with the speaker, rather than going into racism, violence, the history of systemic violence against Blacks, or the fact that Black Americans are 2.8 times more likely to be killed that whites (mappingpoliceviolence). All valid, but by staying with the singular speaker, the poem makes its point without lecturing. Readers who might not be open to a lesson on race can relate to the speaker with less resistance to being lectured--poetry is an important tool for teaching, reading in general instills empathy in readers, and poetry that is preachy is rarely poetry that is memorable or meaningful. Dameron avoids these issues by staying with the singular point of view, making this poem powerful and one unlikely to be forgotten.

The poem then moves to a regular occurrence--the speaker and her husband out for a walk after a meal. We are provided with specific details, setting the scene. The speaker breaks in to this description and the poem becomes more detailed about the speaker's fear.

How

many times can I speak

about black men

& an officer enters the scene?

"I don't want to love like this" is repeated. The poem then becomes one long sentence, the pace of which propels us to the violent fears of the speaker without ever specifically going into that violence--anyone who has watched/read the news knows the scene.

Besides the repetition of "I don't want to love like this," which is so strong, the fact that the poem ends with the word "love" forces us to focus on this Black couple and their life, which then forces us to consider the ramifications of racial violence--a real, loving person is dead and a real, loving family is destroyed.

This poem, which makes me sad and angry for obvious reasons, also makes me sad and angry that poetry is barely read in school anymore or by people who read other genres once out of school. This powerful poem--and others like it--are incredible ways to teach. I am very thankful that my 2nd grade teacher had us read and write poetry and poetry was read, recited, and discussed in my house growing up.

DéLana R. A. Dameron had already been awarded well-deserved accolades and was set to receive more in a variety of genres. This obituary in The New York Times is behind a paywall, but there are other sites that can tell you more about this author.